Walk with me

(Love at first sight)

I was rehearsing on stage when he walked in the Aula Magna .

He had light brown hair and hazel brown eyes he looked directly at my big dark brown eyes like there was no one else there, yet the place was filled with dancers and teachers. For a second I felt the music stopped. He walked like he own the world, his shoulders back, his back straight, chin up and his beautiful brown eyes on me while I danced.  

He stood there looking at me while I got lost in the music and told a story with my body then a few minutes later when rehearsal was over he walked over to me and asked:

“Do you want to walk with me?”

“Yes” I said giving him my little gym bag for him to carry. He grabbed it and threw it over his shoulder.

We walked slowly outside, it was warm the beginning of summer, he talked and I listened, he told me who he was, what he liked and did not like. He was passionate about football and enjoyed most being outdoors, he told me about his mother, his sister and his father who was in jail for not paying his taxes. I thought he was brave, honest and amazing for opening his heart to me, a stranger he just met. We walked for who knows how long because time stood still and the people around us seemed to have disappeared. When we found ourselves back at the starting point of our walk he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend.

I said yes. I felt like I knew everything I had to know, the important stuff, how he made me feel and how comfortable he felt with me. I was happy to walk anywhere with him. We trusted each other.

“Do you want to walk with me some more?” I asked him

“Yes” he said. We continued walking holding hands, I told him about my love for music and dance since before I could walk, about the warm and sunny place I was born where there is no snow. I mentioned the things I did not like, lies being at the top of my list followed by smoking.  The things I feared like wasting time. I told him my secrets and dreams. I wanted to share everything with him.

We walked, we talked, we listened, we held hands, we kissed, and it was love at first sight.  

Little Voice

Trust – said the little voice

I was sharing one of my stories with a woman when I heard myself say:
“You know that little voice that tells you what to do…”

“I ...don’t. What voice?” She interrupted me “Do you hear voices inside your head?” She asked laughing
 
I quickly changed the subject without pausing and found an excuse to go and talk to someone else.
I really believed that everyone heard that little voice inside them. The voice does not come from my head, it comes from deep down. I call it “little voice”, at the beginning it was like a soft whisper, but the more I listened the louder and clearer it got. I wish it sounded like Morgan Freeman that would be so cool! My little voice is quite loud it knows what it wants and there is no stopping it when it wants something. I know better than to argue with it, because when I follow it, magic happens and I like magic.

Some people call it “gut feeling”, some say it’s “listening to your heart”. What I know for sure is that if you ask, it will tell you and if you pay attention and listen it will guide you in the right direction.

Trust – said the little voice today loud and clear

For The Love Of Cupid!!

I am still waiting for you – he said

For the love of cupid! Why would you wait for me?

I love you, I love you, I love you… I Love

How could you love me? You don’t know me!

I know that I love your smile; I want to wake up with your smile.

For the love of cupid… is this karma? Why is this happening? I swear if I get my hands on cupid I will take away his arrow! Ok so I get that you love me, I feel flattered, I feel honored that you feel that way, still don’t think you should be waiting for me. I don’t think you should be waiting on anyone. I am not coming back, and even if I do I don’t feel the same way you do and it’s not going to change. I really like you, but as a friend. I don’t mean to sound like a bitch, I just think you deserve someone who loves you and wants to wake up with your smile too and it’s not me. Why is life doing this to me? Testing me by having everything happen to me all at once? (Breathe, just breath)

I love you - he insists and I will wait for you, I don’t care how long it takes.

My life would be so much easier if I could say “I Love you” back, but I can’t. I don’t feel it. I can’t lie about it; I can’t pretend to love someone I don’t. I don’t know why this is happening, why you fell in love with me and I did not. Is this karma?

I don’t know.

I don’t think is fair, I don’t even know if I am capable of loving anyone again. I don’t know but I think it has to do with trust. I can’t trust. I have trusting issues. Trust is love. I got hurt so bad I don’t know if I could trust again. I don’t know how to open my heart and love again. I would like to love again; I just don’t know if I can do it.

What will it take to love again? What do you need to hear to love again?

(Breath, just breathe.) Don’t wait for me, promise you won’t wait for me. You should be out there having fun, loving everything, everyone you can get your hands into. You are amazing, you are handsome and you deserve to be with someone who sees how wonderful you are.

Now I love you even more! - he said smiling at me

For the love of cupid!  What is going on here?  Who is to blame for this? Why me? I am just a human, a warrior searching for the truth.

(Funny how we try to stop someone from loving us like it is possible.)

It’s been a long time; I just hope he is not waiting for me.

This is not about us. This is fiction any similarity to real events is pure coincidence. When somebody loves you, he won’t make you wait and she is going to want to wake up with your smile that I know for sure!

PICASSO

When love came knocking on my door I did not recognize him at first. He was so abstract like a Picasso painting I thought it was a joke; I was surprised to see love standing there outside my door. What a surprised I told him, I haven’t seen you in a very long time. Don’t just stand there. Do you want to come in? I asked.  

So why are you here? if I may ask

I am here for you - said love

Do sit down in the couch. Can I offer you something to drink?

Excuse me, why are you here again?

I came for you, I would like you will come with me.

I raised my eyebrows felling surprised.

It is so nice to see you; I told him and thought to myself: I love him so much, but it’s too late now, I can’t just leave everything, this empty house. Everybody has left and I am all alone, still, I can’t just leave, can I? I am hiding from the sun?

Love is sitting there quietly smiling at me like he knows something I don’t.

Love is always so wise.

You can’t hurry love, but you can’t put it on hold, it knows better.

Love will always find you no matter how hard you try to fight it, hide from it or try to scape it, love will always find you. Last night I dreamt of you. You came knocking on my door and I let you in. How can you not let love in? I opened my heart and now it’s filled with love. Not what I had in mind. I keep busy. They say things happen for a reason, like I am going to wake up one morning and know exactly why. I think I just did. I woke up and things that did not make sense are starting to make sense now. It feels like everything is connected and the only thing that really matters is love.

 

Baby

I am a fixer, there is something wrong with this picture it reminds me of the time I said I love you and you did not believe me. Maybe you thought I was like that guy in the picture a “Party Animal” or thought I was crazy for saying too much too soon and serving myself on a silver platter.

When someone says: I love you believe them; they need to say it more than you need to hear it. Been there done that. You can’t make someone love you, you can’t hurry love, but you can’t stop someone from loving you once they do, just because you don’t believe it’s true. You can’t put love on hold just because the timing isn’t right.

To love is to trust. I shared my thoughts, ideas and dreams with you; I did things I never thought I would, just to be there for you. You should have known I meant every word. 

I fell in love with someone strong, beautiful, wonderful, but you did not see what I saw, you questioned my intentions, my rights and my wrongs, you not trusting me like I trusted you was too painful. My heart opened to you and all I ever wanted was for you to love me back. Whenever I thought about love I thought about you. I saw the love in your eyes; I felt your love in your touch, in your kiss and all over my body.   

Sometimes we let our insecurities betray us and we forget what really matters. I am a fixer I can fix what’s wrong with this picture.

This picture reminds me: Let me tell you how amazing you are to me, call me when you are ready to open your heart to me and let me love you. Reach out to me if you want to see me, hold me, kiss me and show how much you care. Trust my feeling and yours. Baby I love you; you are the only one, close your eyes and listen to your heart. We can fix this, love always fights back. Love always finds a way out of the dark.  Baby I am yours and what’s yours always returns to you.

Happiness

I don’t want to be your happiness!

I want you to find your happiness and share it with me.

I want to smile with you. I want to cry with you. I want to laugh with you.

I want to be the person you tell your jokes and your everyday stories to.

I want to be your friend, your lover, your other half if you are feeling incomplete or have trouble breathing without me. But I want you to be happy and not make me responsible for your happiness.

I want to comfort you and make you smile if you feel like crying or let you cry and just hold you until you stop crying and start to smile again.

I want to love you and feel your love I want to share so much with you.

I want everything with you, less would be unacceptable.

We deserve so much you and I

Just don’t tell me I am your happiness. Go out and find your happiness, the sooner the better so we can be together and laugh again.  

Xoxo

JP

 

The things we do for love

Back to the beginning

Me so shy

I wanted him to love me.

So I did something really crazy, me so shy.

I put myself out there, really out there.  All the lights on me,

So he could see me, notice me, really see me.

I put on a show, became someone different. Someone brave,

Someone not like me, cause me so shy.

All I wanted was for him to notice me, see me, want me,

Love me.

I looked in the mirror and I saw her, not like me, not so shy.

She did the dirty work, she took over and stole the show for me.

One day I forgot why I was doing it and why so many lights were on me.

I started questioning and doubting, I got lost and she was in charge, the woman in the mirror.

That beautiful fearless creature that was nothing like me and now had a life of her own.

Me so shy had forgotten that all I ever wanted was for him to notice me, see me,want me so bad and love me.

Love me

Xoxo

The things we do for love